FRANKENBELLY!!!!!

Howdy Little Monster in My Tummy!

BEHOLD! You live in my "FrankenBelly." It's bulbous, riddled with stretch marks and has a little creature inside of it that wriggles and writhes all darn day and night...YOU!

We're 17 days away from our official due date. Each day feels like an eternity. Sure, I'm ginormous, uncomfortable and I really miss having ankles. But mostly your dad and I are just so freakin' anxious to meet you. Trust me kid, you're pending arrival has got folks from coast to coast giddy with anticipation.

Pregnancy. What a long, strange trip it's been. I've never experienced such intense heartburn, mood swings, constipation, or love, love, LOVE. I can already tell that I'll miss being pregnant with you. I've loved feeling you grow inside me these past nine months.

But don't get me wrong. You DO need to come out. I know it's comfy in there with the good food and perfect temperature. But isn't it getting a wee bit cramped? You haven't dropped yet and I'm starting to wonder if you might be a procrastinator like your father. The truth is that you can't stay in my uterus forever. Sorry.

So start getting ready to pack up and move out. You'll dig it here. I promise. Plus you've got a bunch of cool toys, cool clothes and cool people waiting for you.

Hope to see you soon.

Love,

Mom

For My MOMS!!!!!!!!

This is a picture of my mom, Annemarie Charbonneau, in 1977. She just gave birth to me and she looks GORGEOUS! She's an extraordinary mother. Really, she's the best. As I count down the days to becoming a mother myself, I realize more and more how incredible she is.



This is a picture of my mother-in-law, JoLynn Bonin, in 1981. She's at her sister Jayne's wedding with a wee tiny version of what will eventually grow up to become my husband, Jakob. (Ain't he a CUTIE?!!!) I've heard people speak of their mother-in-laws with dread. I feel sorry for them. I lucked out BIG TIME! JoLynn is a generous friend, kind listener, and second mom to me.

Here's what I've learned from my moms...

#1. BE WHO YOU ARE!
You is who you is and trying to be something else is bunk! My mom always said, "Just be the best 'Nikki' you can be." Happiness is accepting and loving yourself. Neither of these ladies let other people define them. They stand up for themselves and they thrive.

#2. LAUGH, LAUGH & LAUGH SOME MORE
Sometimes, life can hand you a big bowl o' shite for you to swallow. Money woes. People get sick. Televisions fall on your head. There's a time to cry, but there's a time to laugh, too. I'm in awe of how both my moms have been able to get through all the tough stuff and still be crackin' jokes. And both moms have the most beautiful sounding laughter. Big, bold and intoxicating.

#3. YOU'RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK, GIRL!
I have a tendency to want to give up and quit when things get hectic. But both moms continue to encourage me. Even when I think I can't, they are my cheerleaders jumping up and down and yelling, "We have faith in you!" And all of a sudden I think, "Well heck, maybe I can." And I do. And low and behold, I AM stronger than I originally imagined. When they believe in me, I believe in me. I'm a superhero!!!!!!!

#4. YOUR HUSBAND IS YOUR PARTNER, NOT YOUR DICTATOR
Both of my moms have remarkable spouses. I learned that marriage is playing on the same team together. He's not your boss. He's your equal. Your lucky to have him AND he's lucky to have you. I knew Jakob was the guy for me because everything I gave I got back.

#5. LOVE (IT'S ALL YOU REALLY NEED)
There's so much "stuff" in the world. Cars and houses and furniture and computers and ya dee ya dee ya. It's all just stuff. Money is just money. It can seem like the whole universe, but it isn't. Love endures all. And when you have love in your life, you are rich. And in that respect, I'm a very wealthy woman indeed.

Thank you, Moms! I hope my kid looks up to me the way I look up to you.

Happy Mother's Day.

Sit Yer Preggo Butt Down. That's an Order.

Friday scared the bejesus outta me.

Karen Stein (college roommate, 'Shop Til You Drop' cohort & dear friend) graciously brought me to my doctor's appointment at 12pm. They sent me to the hospital immediately.

My blood pressure was too high. There was a slight presence of protein in my urine. Preeclampsia. My doctor was planning to induce my labor. I burst into tears at the word, "induce." I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant and still over a month away from my due date. I started thinking about premature babies in NIC units with weak lungs.

I was buggin' out.

As they wheeled me up to Labor & Delivery, Karen asked the hospital volunteer if he's ever allowed to "pop a wheelie" with the wheelchair. She kept me laughing. She kept me calm. Thank goodness. (Oh, and his answer was, "No. Poppin' a wheelie would get me in big trouble.")

For several hours, I was hooked up to a fetal monitor and my blood pressure was closely watched. The nurses were amazing. They reassured me that if the baby were born that day, it would be fine. It was a healthy baby and nearly 7 freakin' pounds! (Good baby!)

I breathed. I meditated. My blood pressure went down. My body returned to normal.

They decided to discharge me with two conditions:

#1. I had to collect my pee for the next 24 hours and bring it back to the hospital for lab tests. FUN! If you've never done a pee collection, it's terribly GOOFY! You sit on a plastic seat thingy that rests on your toilet and then carefully pour your liquid gold into what looks like an orange juice jug.

#2. Bed rest. I have to stay in bed with my feet up. I'm not supposed to do anything. This. Is. Tough. You all know me! I'm a GO GETTER! I need to be nesting, organizing, cleaning, walking, ANYTHING. But I HAVE to stay in bed. For my health. For my baby.

That's where we're at. I'm in bed. Resting. Watching Oprah.

Give me a call if you've got some time. For once, you know I'm home.

Baby Shower Extravaganza!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I mention that my friends are AMAZING?!?

This past Saturday was my 'Rockin' Baby Shower. ' It lived up to its name.

Lisa Sichi, Kate Turnipseed & Nicole Elliott-Bayes truly outdid themselves on every level. They decorated my apartment with paper lanterns, streamers & balloons. The color scheme was my favorite pallet: black, white & red. Very rock n' roll. Very White Stripes-ish. Coincidentally, I learned that black, white & red are the very first colors babies see.

Elliott (I MUST get used to "Elliott-Bayes." She's a married lady now!!!!) made the most delectable cupcakes. She went as far as to provide BOTH chocolate and vanilla selections. Pure. Cupcake. Heaven.

Turnip made this STUNNING cake. Since Jakob & I are waiting until birth to find out the sex of the baby, she made it a half boy/half girl cake and named it, "Hermmie." There was food aplenty. Instead of 'pigs in a blanket,' the partygoers were treated to 'piglets in a diaper' (a.k.a. mini-cocktail weenies wrapped in dough diapers). TOO FREAKIN' CUTE!

Sichi was the best darn Game Show Host...EVAH! We're talkin' pro. The first game was "Baby Pictionary." The clues were all song or movie titles that had to do with parenting & babies. Million Dollar Baby. Hit Me Baby One More Time. Parent Trap. Andrew Giza was victorious.

The next game was "Make Your Own Clay Baby." The contestants had five minutes to mold a clay baby. It could be at any stage they wished, be it zygote, fetus, infant or toddler.

Chantal DeGroat went with a monochromatic baby which she says is, "really fashionable in Europe." Cristine McClure made a happy baby with a white umbilical cord, green smile and pink body. Very 'Pop Art.' Matt Duersten's baby looked like it had a huge phallus, but he assured me that it was an umbilical cord. Mike Yank's baby had a yellow diaper because it peed itself.

The winner: Sue Bell! Her baby had great detail (Sure she was a bit of a ringer. She IS a Havard artist) and a cute Buddah belly. We gave an honorable mention to Asterios Kokkinos' enormous, orange, cigarette-smoking baby named 'Giganticus.'

The final game was a hoot. 'Pin the Tail on the Donkey' is lame. HOWEVER, 'Pin the Tattoo on the Baby' is RAD! Kevin Chesley took top prize here.

Sichi also made a fun (and challenging) 'Beautiful Baby Word Find' and a stellar guestbook where folks could not only guess the sex, weight & birthday of our bundle of joy, but also gives us some sound advice about raising kids. Here's a few samples:

Having been a weird kid myself once, let em' be weird.
-Andrew Giza

Having been a flatulent kid once, check before you change. Just cuz' she smells funny, doesn't mean she's dirty.
-Michael Hennessy

Having been a bratty kid once, presents solve everything.
-Karen Stein

When at the airport and immigration is giving you sh*t, pinch your baby's butt and make him cry. You'll get through much faster.
-Alex & Edy

Jakob and I are very lucky.


A GIGANTICUS THANK YOU to everyone. I was blown away by all your enormous generosity. I'll be sending specific 'thank you's' this week to each of you, but I wanted to get this post up right away and let you know how much this past weekend warmed our hearts. (And so my family back East can peek at the pix.)

I made a weepy speech on Saturday and I forgot (DOH!) to specifically thank Kate, Lisa & Nicole for all their hard work getting this shindig on its feet. I love you guys. Jakob and I are so grateful and a spectacular time was had by all. Bravissimo!

There's a lot of photos. To check 'em out, click here to visit Flickr.

Rawkin' Mohawkin

No, this is not my newborn. We still have 6 weeks to go people! This is my fashion model. Her name is Tarzana. She's named after the city in California, not "Tarzan of the Jungle." In fact, don't even bring Tarzan up to her. It's a sore subject.

Anywhoosit, Jakob purchased an adorable Superman onesie. (Which works for Supergirl, too!) I thought the look could only be complete with a knitted mohawk hat.



I took up knitting. You remember when knitting was deemed "cool" about three years ago? Well, I'm finally catching on. I really wanted to make something for my baby and it seemed like a hat would be pretty simple. I had some knitting needles and yarn buried in my craft closet. I put them into action. First, I knitted the orange cap. Then, I created a straight line of knotted dangling green & purple yarn. I fluffed it out with a hairbrush to give it a touch of spikey-punk-poofiness.



VOILA!

It Ain't All Gravy

Pregnancy is wonderful, except when it isn't.

I have anxiety about labor.

I went to my first Lamaze class on Monday night. I think it wigged me out. The instructor started the class by telling us to ignore all the delivery room horror stories that we've heard because every woman's experience is different. Then she spent the remainder of the class going over complications like meconium, preeclampsia, and placental abruption. It didn't help that Jakob and I were seated beneath the poster that diagramed an episiotomy.

I cry 8 times a day. I pee twice as many times as I cry.

My feet have grown a shoe size.

I feel like Violet Beauregard. I'm a colossal blueberry. I need Oompa Loompas to roll me to the Juicing Room and put me out of my misery.

I was waiting for the bus the other day and four little boys were at the bus stop. They were all about 10 years old. They were having a spitting contest. I wouldn't have cared except that they were spitting on folks waiting for the bus, like me. They were using words like, "bitch." It made me worry about being a crummy mom and having a brat for a kid.

I got up at 3:11am this morning to write an angry e-mail to the people at Target regarding my baby registry. Stuff keeps becoming "unavailable," or isn't being efficiently processed. I should've gone with 'Babies R Us.' Anyway, the clickity-clack of the computer keys awoke my sweet, kind, lovely husband. My patient, caring, attentive husband quietly got out of bed and shut the bedroom door so he could get a little shuteye. I can't tell you exactly why this sent me into a hysterical bitchy fit, but it did. I proceeded to yell at my charming, handsome, considerate husband for no good reason what-so-ever. And how does this half-awake, bewildered man respond? He coaxes me back into bed and rubs my tummy for over an hour as I whimper and eventually fuss myself to sleep. Saint Jakob.

Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed. I'm excited for this kid to pop out. But sometimes I feel like a big, whiny pod that has no control over my body or my feelings.

Whaaaaaaa. I can't even eat soft cheese! I LOVE soft cheese!!!

1977

This is a picture of my mom and me. Look at how BRAND NEW I am. Pudgy. No neck. Squinty-eyed. My mouth is shaped like a little bell. I'm freakin' adorable!

I've been looking at this photo trying to imagine that I'll be holding my own baby in just over two months.

Wow.

Jakob and I have found a song that we can both sing to my belly.
Loudon Wainwright wrote it while his wife Kate was pregnant with Rufus.
They sing it together on the album Attempted Mustache
It's called, "Dialated to Meet You."

We're wondering when you will arrive
We're wondering what you'll be
We're wondering if you'll be a 'her'
Or if you'll be a 'he'

Maybe you'll arrive today
Perhaps tomorrow night
We're hoping you won't hurt too much
And that you'll be alright.

Life has a few unpleasantries
We may as well confess
We suppose you'll cry a lot
And that you'll be a mess

There is one thing you should know well
On this there is no doubt
You cannot get inside again
Once you have come out

Even though there's trouble
Even though there's fuss
We really think you'll like it here
We hope that you like us.

GRRRRRR! Monster Box!

I've been working on some shadowboxes...



VOILA! The Monster Box! This is the first one I made. His name is "BOOSHOCKA!" The tongue springs forward against the front glass and you can see down his throat.



This green lovely is the next one I created. I named her, "GLAMOURIZZA!" Beautiful, ain't she?



There's a mirror in the rear of the box. When you peak in, it looks like YOU are in the monster's mouth.



Here's where I went a little nuts. This is "SYBILOBSTRA!" She's a monster within a monster within a monster within a monster.



I even put wee little flashlights in her eyes to make them glow firey red. That's right. Don't mess with Sybilobstra. She'll wreck ya!

To check out more shadowboxes & monsters, click here to visit Flickr.

Super DUPER Hero - El Preggo Grande!

LOOK! It's a Macy's Day Balloon! It's a Land-Wandering Manatee! It's the Stay Puft Marshmello Man!



NO! It's EL PREGGO GRANDE!



Able to laugh heartily in the face of swelling & bloating. HA HA HAAAAAA!



You poor kid. Your parents are so friggin' goofy.

Seven Months

Dear Little One,

We're in the homestretch! You now weigh 3 pounds. THREE POUNDS! I couldn't afford to buy 3 pounds of veal or lobster! Holy moly!

I saw you on a monitor last week at Dr. Shah's office and you refused to show us your face. You hid behind your hand. Are you shy? Are you stubborn? Are you teasing?

In less than 90 days, I'll finally get to meet you. I can't wait to hear what you sound like. I can't wait to hold you. I can't wait to see what a combination of mommy & daddy's features will look like! (Will you get dad's ears? If so, fear not--you WILL grow into them.)

And I can't wait to thank you for all you've already given to me.

Because of you, I began doing yoga. Yo! Check my balanced chakras!

Because of you, I stopped drinking. My liver is probably thriving again!

Because of you, I stopped consuming 5 cups of coffee and 2 sodas per day. I quit caffeine and my body is not nearly as stiff as it used to be.

Because of you (and my desire to actually "go to the bathroom" when I go to the bathroom), I have learned the value of a high-fiber diet.

Because of you, I have a newfound love and respect for my own mother and everything she did to bring me into this world.

Because of you, I have been in touch with people that I haven't spoken to in years and it feels good to reconnect.

Because of you, my husband thinks I'm a goddess. (He thought that before, but this pregnancy thing is really blowing his mind.)

But most of all, because of you I have found courage inside myself. I used to practiced a lot of "duck & cover" when it came to scary stuff. Now, I've become brave. You deserve a brave mommy who will show you how to use caution, but NEVER let fear run your life.

I've always had a big heart with lots of love to give. But I've never felt a love so enormous as the love I feel for you. Love that huge IS scary. To care so much for something takes courage. Honestly, I don't ever want you to be harmed, or be taken away, or get sick, or have anything bad happen to you. But I won't live in fear of this love. I embrace this love.

I thank you for choosing me to be part of this love.

Now, there are some unpleasantries that gestation has brought with it. Restless leg syndrome. Urinating 12 times a day. The lethal farts that make your father run away from me.

But the love is worth all of it. For sure.

Luv,

Mom

Art Baby - Round Two!

Dear Little One,

Happy week 27! Things are movin' right along. You are a very active bundle of joy! I can see my abdomin quake when you're restless. I can't wait to show my baby bump bouncing about to others and amaze them (or watch them seriously wig out).

Momma had a glucose test to check for gestational diabetes. They gave her orange sugar water. After an hour, a very nervous phlebotomist couldn't seem to locate mom's veins in either arm. Finally, a butterfly needle in my left hand proved to be a winner.



I have completed 8 more paintings for your nursery. I tried to throw some not-so-tradition animals in the mix. Hence, this blowfish. It's also called a puffer fish. Either way, it's a funny animal that you shouldn't touch.



Your dad seems to find this koala bear REALLY amusing. I think it's something to do with the laid back eyes. He's just munching on some primo eucalyptus, man. Get off of his cloud!



Personally, I adore the hippo. When your dad and I went to the San Diego zoo, I refused to leave the hippo tank. I watched her swim around and around and around. She was two tons of cellulite and the most graceful thing I've ever seen. We became friends right away.

Maybe I'll make up a hippo song for you. You're probably getting sick of me singing, "You Are My Sunshine," but it's one of the few lullabies that I know all the words to. I'll work on my "Hush Little Baby," and "Rainbow Connection," to give you a little variety.

Love, love, love you so much,

Mom

To view all the paintings completed thus far,Click Here to Visit Flickr

Arty Baby

Dear Little One In My Tummy,

You are just growing up a storm, aren't ya? You're developing at super duper warp speed! You are over a foot long and way nearly 2 pounds! I can feel you kicking and punching me daily. I love it. Keep abusing me. It reminds me that you are alive in there.



What's mommy doing? Well, dad and I are in the process of converting the office into a nursery. My plan is still to have your Grampa Joe paint a gorgeous mural for you. However, I'm not sure he'll be able to make it out to California prior to your arrival. I wanted to make colorful, fun paintings to hang on your wall.



I was going to do some Jim Henson Muppets or Dr. Suess illustrations, but your father suggested that I make my own drawings. I decided to sketch out and paint some silly wildlife. I started with a giraffe since that is your dad's favorite animal. I think that's because they have long necks (like he does) and they tend to stare and ponder without making a noise (like he does).



Both your dad and Uncle Andrew find this particular elephant to be "shifty." I don't agree. I think this elephant is just being "coy." I figure you and I and your daddy can make up elaborate stories based on these animals that adorn your room.



For example, this is OPAL--the OCTOPUS. She went to school at OBERLIN where she studied the OBOE and OPERA. She hopes to someday write an OPUS. She loves eating OLIVES, OREO cookies, ONIONS and OYSTERS. Her best friends are an ODD OSTRICH named OSCAR and an OLD OWL named OMAR from OXFORD.

Just three more months until we meet. Think I can paint 26 of these by then?

I luv u.

-mom

To view all the paintings completed thus far,Click Here to Visit Flickr

5 Cute Baby Items That Makes Me Squeal With Delight

#1. Love/Hate Scratch Mittens
I found these on a cool British site called nippazwithattitude.com. Babies can get awful fussy when it comes to clipping their nails. Their fingers are so freakin' small. These little mittens keep them from scratching themselves in between grooming sessions. Plus, they're totally biker/gangsta/outlaw rad!




#2. The Bob Dylan Onsie
Get it? It's BOB DYLAN and it says, "Time I Need A-Changin'!" HA HA! My husband loves this garmet, also from nippazwithattitude.com.




#3. The Sushi Changing Matt
This I found on an adorable website called myretrobaby.com It's so funky!




#4. The BEES KNEES Crawling Pants
Found at BeesKneesBaby.com, these pants are AWESOME! For the little crawler in your life, they have cushy inserts to protect brand new knees and absorb shock. Genius!




#5a. IF I HAVE A GIRL - The Sugar Skull Toddler Dress
Ever since my last job, I've been very into 'Day of the Dead' decor. The truth is--I want this dress, but my baby is obviously going to be cooler than me, so the folks at babywit.com have made them in toddler sizes.



#5b. IF I HAVE A BOY - The Pee Pee Tee Pee
I must admit, this is my fave. Developed by Urban Baby Designs, this cone shaped, cloth product goes over your little guy's little guy so you don't get sprayed by spontsaneous piss when you're changin' him. And I love the name...tee hee :)

Twenty-Something For One More Year...

Dear Little One Floating in My Gut,

You may have wondered what all the raucous was about on Saturday. Perhaps you were resting peacefully and then noticed all the hubbub. Did you sit up straight in all that amniotic fluid and say, "Hey, what's the dealio? We haven't sat down since forever ago! What's all those goofy voices? What all that loud wisecrackin' and hip hoppin' music?" Well, we had a shindig for your dad's birthday. He's 29 years old.



There's mommy! In this photo, I'm glowing--both with the glow of pregnancy AND all those freakin' candles! Next year, we officially switch to the candles shaped like numbers.



There's dad! This is attempt #1 at blowing out the candles.



And here's attempt #2. Geez. Perhaps you'll inherit your father's lung capacity. If that is the case, you'll probably just muster up a disgruntled sigh rather than scream like a banshee when you require changing and feeding.



And LOOK who got a gift for dad's birthday--YOU DID! It's your very first Onesie and political statement all rolled into one. By the way kid, in case you haven't caught on, your parents lean left. And if for some reason you grow up and decide to rebel by voting Republican, we'll still love you. Just don't call us, "Dirty Hippies." We're not dirty. Your father and I believe in good hygiene.

Oh, and with all the kicking you've been doing lately, Dad's going to start calling you, "Vinatieri." Don't worry. I won't let him put it on our 'baby name list.' Promise.

Love you,

The Mom & The Dad

For more pictures from Jakob's Birthday, visit Flickr

Jolly Good Show!

WOW! First, let me extend a HUGE thank you to everyone who came out to support our show this past weekend. It was a great success and you were an amazing audience. It's a pleasure to make you laugh 'til ya pee. I can honestly say that this was the most fun I've ever had performing. Yes...EVER! What a blast!



I have to thank Lizzy Cooperman for being such a spectacular host. Lizzy is so naturally funny. If you have yet to see her perform, you should immediately. Soon, she'll be a big star and it'll be hard to get tickets to watch her do her thang.



Thanks to Kenny Kelleher & Chantal DeGroat for helping us out with our musical number and for giving us such a treat with their HILARIOUS "Get In - Get Outs." It brought us joy to see the two of you giving it your all up there on stage. Capital job!



Thanks to Asterios Kokkinos and Geoffrey Golden of Overtime . Several of my friends now consider themselves part of the "Overtime Fan Club." And no one can get "Caveman Jesus" out of their head. Jolly good show!



And a very special thank you goes out to TROOP! You guys brought the house down, per usual, and you remain such classy folks to boot. We want to let you know how much it meant for us for you to be part of this show. Damn, you are F-U-N-N-Y! Top drawer, indeed!

Thank you to Nicole Elliott for running our tech. YOU RAWK! A BIG, BIG thank you to Karen Stein for her performance and all her help getting the space ready, keeping track of props and building a bridge in a freakin' rainstorm. Thank you to Matt Duersten for helping us out, too. The night would not have been the same without his graceful "Halfway Dance" and glorious butt crack.



And last, but never least, thanks to my partners in crime, Jakob & Andrew. You both had to kick it up a notch and do more work for this show. Thanks for giving me "My Favorite Time On Stage."

Bravo, everyone. Bravo.

For more pictures from the show, visit Flickr